HPD and domestic violence : Histrionic Personality Disorder Forum

Hi.
I've been given the suggestion to start a thread after a couple of posts under "Symptons broken down".

This is what I posted so far. I will need to add more information, but right now, on this very moment, I am exhausted from what jus happened today. Getting some reactions here to what I have so far would be very helpful.

My first post was this:

The list of symptoms and their descriptions is very useful for me now. I still have some doubts.
I have been for one year in a relationship with a 37-years old woman who, since the third month into our relationship, has been showing some of the behaviors you describe. We have decide to split, but I want to understand her as much as possible, as I have tried during these months.

Some of the things have been happening and that I'm having a hard time understanding are these:
[*] She spends a lot of energy and time putting things in order at home. At times, I see it as almost obsessive. Some times she screamed at me for having left a plate here instead of there, or for not having used this soap instead of that one... small things that may be bothersome, of course, but what shocked me from the first time was the intensity of the anger. After a while, I started to feel like walking on eggshells, wondering if I would be doing this or that the right way, hoping not to be screamed at.

[*] She has a hard time living in silence, or in the absence of noise. The TV is on practically all day, and when it's not, she quickly needs to turn it on to hear the noise.

[*] She's been having for months serious difficulties to sleep. She fights that with marijuana, TV on and, at some point, sleeping in the sofa. This has been going on for months now.

[*] Several times, she's told me that if I don't share with her absolutely everything I have in my mind, I am not contributing to our relationship, I'm hiding things.

[*] When we met, she was looking for a job. We worked together on her resume, but one day, all of a sudden, she lost interest in it. One day I forwarded to her email jobs postings I found on the internet while looking for more work for myself. When she got home, I forgot to tell her, and when she saw the emails with the links, she got incredibly angry, and told me that I was critisizing her, putting her down, not trusting her, and invading her. And that I should have told here that those emails were there before she saw them. It sounded to me as if she had felt totally invaded.

[*] She seems to have problems with most of the people she has a relationship with. They go from being wonderful friends to being unworthy of any trust. I've verbalized it to myself as if she was at war with the world.

[*] Two times she's been unable to control her anger and has become physically agressive with me. The first time it happened was a turning point for me. The second time she did because she was hitting her dog badly and I asked her why she was doing that, and then she hit me. I still try to understand and yet, at the same time, to me physical agression is the red line. When I told her this, she got angrier with me and blamed me.

Does any of these behaviors / reactions / situations resonate with anyone?

My second post was this:
Of course, violence is the red line. That day I decided that the relationship needed to end. It was quite disturbing to see that, on top of being punched, she would blame me. And, of course, I have to do work with myself. I still, at the same time, feel the need to understand the rest of the story, so that I understand her better and, at the same, time, find out things about myself.

My third and last post, today, was this:
Today, August 1st, the violence escalated ,just as you sait it could happen. She threw a couple of objects at me, pushed me from behind several times, had me locked on the sofa, blocked my way out of the apartment when I tried to literally run away... At some point I could open the door and run out, and she ran out after me, grabbed me on the stairway, pushed me against the wall several times, trying to not let me get out. I finally could. She chased me and grabbed me several times. I kept telling her to stay away and not touch me. She kept grabbing me. She had taken my cellphone, so I couldn't call, so I started to scream on the street asking people to please call the police because I was being attacked. Two guys walked by, looked at me and laughed. My elbow was bleeding from the struggle. Finally, a woman called the police. She's out now. I'm processing a restraining order. She already know she can't come back here without previous notice nor without somebody else coming with her to pick up her stuff. I've been home for several hours now. I found some hospital papers from two years ago, from a psyc ward at a local hospital. I just read that back then, she had been diagnosed with HPD and BPD. I guess my questions are asked and my doubts solved. The match between diagnosis criteria and her behavior that I though I was seeing, but resisting to accept, it tuns out that the answers had already been found by professionals two years ago, when she attempted suicide which, in her narrative when we met, was attributed to the excrusiating pain she was feeling from the break up with her husband. It's devastating.

In some ways, what hurt me the most was not the physical agression, (although I still "feel" her hands on me, six hours later), but the fact that she attacked me on the grounds of having been a sexually abused child (abused by my mother) and how that, according to her, has made me a coward. At some point I thought that she was trying to bring me to the edge, make me loose it, and hit her back, which I did not do. I tried, of course, to get rid of her body and stop the contact, but didn't go for the attack. I didn't even feel the urge to strike back: I just wanted to get out of the agression. I admit that when she brought this up, she got me. I was in so much pain inside!!

Source: http://www.psychforums.com/histrionic-personality/topic94648.html

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